Black Dog:1, Me:0

I wanted to have a better prepared Fighting the Black Dog post this time but it caught me off guard a week early this time and right now I don't feel up to doing much.

I'll be dropping my psychology class as soon as I get the chance because I just can't handle taking so many units. So this will add another semester or two in order to finish the extra classes.

I haven't even been able to knit much mostly because of being whacked with this and having to keep up with all of the classes. I finally got a chance to knit today but it was just a couple rounds on a sweater so I didn't even have to deal with turing the work or shaping.

I feel so pathetic this time because I finally got over the few things that I usually feel sad about when the depression hits. I realized that my bust fits me and I don't want to change it, and that God has a reason for me to be single right now and that's okay because he has someone for me when the time is right and he will be the right one.
But this week it's different, there's a weight in my chest that won't go away and even though I feel like crying would make me feel better I try to start crying but the tears won't come. I feel sick, the past few mornings I feel dizzy and like throwing up (and there is no possibility that I could be pregnant) but I push myself up and out the door and get to school. I try focusing but the insomnia that keeps me awake at night leaves me with only 4-5 hours of sleep at night and I start to see things that aren't there. The one good thing is that I don't feel like life isn't worth living, I just can't seem to feel happy or concentrate on a memory to make myself feel anything at all.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that I'd like to ask anyone who reads this to pray if you are a fellow believer because I need some help right now and...I just got a few tears so I'm going to go and shed a few more and hopefully I can fall asleep.

Fighting the Black Dog

Fight the Black Dog

To be honest, I am a little nervous about actually posting this because first, I have a fear that if I dwell on it too much I'll relapse and then that throws me into panic.

What is the "Black Dog"? Well, it's depression.

I have struggled with Depression from the time I was 12 (I'm 19 now for reference). I've had my really low points and my almost completely better parts, thankfully I am now resting in the latter and I usually am until certain times of the month since my depression is caused by a hormonal imbalance that doctors always said "Just give it some time, you'll grow out of it." May I now take a moment to throw my chart in their face.

A huge help to me in this fight has been my knitting. And more accurately the fact that I can finish projects and see them turn into beautiful works of art that are appreciated. Which is why I've taken to listing what I've finished on the sidebar. It helps me see all that I've done. So even when I feel depressed and like I've wasted a year of my life since High School (I've finished almost 34 out of the 74 needed units to apply to nursing school) I can look and see what I've done.

So if you have your own story and you want to share it, go to the link above and check it out. I know my own story is pretty short and vacant but I'll be posting about this on a monthly basis and eventually I'll get it all out, I'm just not completely ready right now but I did want to bring awareness to this disease.