Sunday, August 19, 2007

Black Dog:1, Me:0

I wanted to have a better prepared Fighting the Black Dog post this time but it caught me off guard a week early this time and right now I don't feel up to doing much.

I'll be dropping my psychology class as soon as I get the chance because I just can't handle taking so many units. So this will add another semester or two in order to finish the extra classes.

I haven't even been able to knit much mostly because of being whacked with this and having to keep up with all of the classes. I finally got a chance to knit today but it was just a couple rounds on a sweater so I didn't even have to deal with turing the work or shaping.

I feel so pathetic this time because I finally got over the few things that I usually feel sad about when the depression hits. I realized that my bust fits me and I don't want to change it, and that God has a reason for me to be single right now and that's okay because he has someone for me when the time is right and he will be the right one.
But this week it's different, there's a weight in my chest that won't go away and even though I feel like crying would make me feel better I try to start crying but the tears won't come. I feel sick, the past few mornings I feel dizzy and like throwing up (and there is no possibility that I could be pregnant) but I push myself up and out the door and get to school. I try focusing but the insomnia that keeps me awake at night leaves me with only 4-5 hours of sleep at night and I start to see things that aren't there. The one good thing is that I don't feel like life isn't worth living, I just can't seem to feel happy or concentrate on a memory to make myself feel anything at all.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that I'd like to ask anyone who reads this to pray if you are a fellow believer because I need some help right now and...I just got a few tears so I'm going to go and shed a few more and hopefully I can fall asleep.

1 comment:

pigbook1 said...

Hey, i know how you feel and you will make it through this. You will have these kind of days and they will suck. You have people who care and even if you feel like you fight this stuff alone or by yourself they are there for you.